A Winner is Two: Professor Membrane
by RC0022
Summary: the first of two entries for avatarjk137's tournament A Winner Is Two! featuring Professor Membrane from Invader Zim.
1. Chapter 1

A Winner Is Two: Professor Membrane

"No you incompetent fool! Mixing those two compounds would create an explosion big enough to destroy the city!" Professor Membrane exclaimed dramatically, flashes of light erupting behind him and a sound like thunder cracking through the air in the lab. Moving forward he seized the two vials from the assistant who had frozen in place with a look of horror.

"This is REAL SCIENCE! Not some petty chemistry classroom assignment. Leave at once before you do some real damage!" he said, reflected light shining of his goggles and his rubber gloves pointing at the now open door.

The assistant ran from the lab crying with arms in the air. Sobbing could be heard down the corridor until the door hissed shut. The lab they were in was pretty standard. It had all the basics, sterile equipment and surfaces, an odd slight blue tint to the room and bumbling lab assistants. Membrane was carrying out an experiment on behalf of an underfunded work colleague, anything to advance the pursuit of "real science".

"Some people just don't understand the importance of my work. But the Earth can rest assured knowing that this work is in safe hands once more." The Professor continued, talking to himself in what some would call a crazy fashion. "That reminds me!"

Turning towards a wall he pressed a button on his belt, calling forth a hovering screen.

"Open video communication with home." He said as he began mixing chemicals on the lab bench, not even looking at the screen.

An image of a living room came onto the screen as a receiving floating screen transmitted back to the lab. A small purple-haired girl appeared.

"Daughter what are you still doing up? It's late and children need their sleep! Where's your brother?" Membrane asked in much the same voice but with a kinder tone to it but only briefly looking at the screen before turning back to his work.

The girl shrugged before yelling into the house. A boy's shout could be heard replying.

"He's probably doing something _stupid _like always. Why does he have to be here?"

"Now daughter, show your brother some kindness. Even if he is suffering from some temporary insanity! It's just a phase after all before he turns his attention to REAL SCIENCE!"

"But he's so _annoying_." The little girl said with utter hate in her voice and a frown. At the same moment a young boy entered the room out of breath.

"Hey dad! I was busy adding the finishing touches to my new surveillance gear. I'm gonna need it if I want to have any chance of catching Zim without his disguise."

"Son you need to show some responsibility and stop pestering your little foreign friend. You and your sister should have been in bed hours ago! Off you go now and I'll see you both tomorrow."

And with a brief wave the little hovering screen faded to black and the world-renowned professor continued his work, sending flashes and sparks into the dark laboratory.

It wasn't until sometime later he realised there was a vital element missing from his latest work. The very same compound a certain evil fat man had failed to deliver to him many, many years ago.

"Of all the materials missing why did it have to be Uranium two-thirty-eight? If only that diabolical entity known as Santa," said with complete loathing and a clenched fist for emphasise "had given me that for Christmas instead of an endless supply of socks this whole crisis could have been avoided! And with the research funds of this particular endeavour of science being so insanely low there will be no way to ensure the research's success." He finished and melodramatically banged his fist on the work surface.

Apart from the hum of equipment a gentle but persistent knocking could be heard. This was followed by the opening of the lab door where a pair of men in suits entered.

"You must be the world-famous Professor Membrane we've heard so much about." The first said. His appearance was typical hired goon, bald with sunglasses and a face only a mother could love.

Membrane held out a shiny black glove out, waving them away. "I have no time for autographs now, come back later." He called, not even bothering to look behind him as he started writing new calculations down.

"We're not here for autographs Professor; we come with a proposition for you. One that could solve this funding problem you have." The second man said, who was as equally goon-like as his partner.

Membrane's boots squeaked as he turned around, his lab coat whirling and his single Mohawk-like hair style bouncing.

"I see we have your attention," Goon one said "the money we're offering isn't free of course but it would well cover the expense you need for materials in this and your own research and even beyond."

"Indeed," Goon two began "all you have to do is take part in a little contest. A last one standing sort of deal if you like. You win and you get the money, simple as that."

Membrane looked at the two quizzically, one eye raised and the other lowered. "A contest? The very idea seems preposterous! I wouldn't even consider this if Uranium two-thirty-eight wasn't so difficult to get a hold of."

The two men looked at each other. "We take it you'll be joining us then?"

Since the lower half of his face was hidden the two men had only Membrane's eyes to look at for any signs of emotion or non-verbal communication. The professor was rubbing the space on his lab coats collar where his chin would be.

An awkward silence developed in the small laboratory space. A clock ticked on the wall, the contents of a beaker fizzed and bubbled and someone coughed outside.

"No!" Membrane shouted suddenly, finger pointing to the ceiling. "I simple cannot devote the time to this endeavour; I'm much too busy for this nonsense. Not to mention the chaos that could befall the city should I leave for even a single day!"

The pair looked at each other before nodding. One of them shrugged. "Very well then. We'll leave you to your work."

And without another word the two suited men left, leaving Membrane to continue his calculations.

It wasn't until far into the early morning hours that drowsiness overcame the scientist and he decided to have a quick sleep. It wouldn't do to make a fatal error in this work due to tiredness and half an hour or so wouldn't be too bad.

---

Sometime later a very odd sound reached Membrane's ears. It was the sound of gentle waves crashing against a shore. Sitting up, with a rather groggy feeling, he looked around in confusion to find he was indeed on a beach and what appeared to be an island.

"Hmm this will surely delay my work!" he exclaimed, again talking to himself more than anyone else. Standing up he began pressing buttons on his wrist mounted control panel only to find that he couldn't make any contact or find a trace of a signal.

"Most odd, it would seem that some device is blocking all forms of contact." He observed as he pressed some more buttons and scanned the sea before him, focusing on the horizon.

The various displays on the inside of his goggles flashed numerous numbers and symbols at high speed, delivering all forms of data.

"A force-field covering the entire island and blocking communication? A device of that sheer magnitude would need tremendous power!" Looking towards the island he immediately singled out the volcano at the centre of the area.

"If I have any chance of returning to my work then it seems I'll have to disable this device. I dare not think what might happen to the world in my absence!" he said as melodramatically as possible before setting off, white lab coat shining in the sun and big black boots leaving large footprints in the sand.

**Author's Note: The characters featured in this work are not owned by me and belong to their respective creators.**


	2. Chapter 2

Dedication to Their Crafts

Despite the annoyance of being kidnapped and taken to a strange location, Professor Membrane had taken it all in stride with a scientific interest in the local fauna of the island. There wasn't much else to interest the scientist in the area he had woken up in; he wasn't much of a "beach" person, so after a short trek up a gentle incline he had begun his examination.

"How peculiar!" he said to himself as he examined a group of plants at the edge of one of the numerous forests, using the technical readouts from his goggles to tell him as much as they could.

"The vegetation here appears near-identical to that of the samples from home and yet each specimen has subtle differences." He continued before standing up straight and pounding a fist into his open hand. "If only I had my lab equipment!" Membrane shouted to the air as melodramatically as possible.

All the while he was completely oblivious to the fact that he was being observed incredulously by another contestant on the island.

---

Vitali the Ethereal had been watching the strange man in the white lab coat for some time, hidden amongst the trees, trying to decide if he could make a valuable ally in the fight for survival on Grand Cross Isle.

Trying to be friendly in a tournament such as this often proved easier said than done but with his own abilities to remain unseen and unheard at least he could observe potential allies and enemies without fear of being attacked.

His hope that this man was a cleric like himself, they were wearing the same colours after all. was rapidly diminishing as he observed the extravagant behaviour and mannerisms he exhibited.

This contestant was quite clearly mad.

---

Reaching inside his coat Membrane fished out a glass test-tube from the many rows that lined the inside of the fabric. Collecting the samples and storing them away safely he set off towards the mountain again. One part of his brilliant mind had deduced that that was where he would find the means to escape and return to his precious work but another part told him that there was possibly a lab he could use there, which was all the motivation he needed.

"Greetings sir, if you would kindly wait a moment, I have a request." A rather calm and pleasant voice said from behind him.

Turning around Membrane saw a man with long dark hair dressed in white addressing him. His clothing appeared to be a gown of some sort, with an accompanying hat, and he possessed sharp features and a long face.

"I am Vita-"

"_Another_ eager fan?! My, my, you were certainly sneakier than most to get this close to me, Professor Membrane! Could you possibly be in possession of some form of cloaking device? I've never seen such dedication before!"

Throughout this new rant Vitali tried, and failed, to get a single word in as Membrane continued to talk about the many numerous prototype cloaking devices he had seen over the years, his hair and lab coat flying about with his enthusiasm.

Seizing a pause Vitali managed to calmly say "I'm not a fan, I've never even heard of you before…"

"You've never heard of me? The PROTECTOR of the EARTH! Hmm given your name and apparel it would be safe to assume you must be foreign. Ah my poor insane son has a little foreign friend! Or perhaps, like me, you are from a different world? For we are surely in a different location from our home planets!" he shouted ominously, with much arm flailing, and not caring to elaborate as to how he'd come to that conclusion. "This organisation must have access to an inter-dimensional device! The fools! Tampering with such a thing could very well dest-"

"Professor!" Vitali interrupted before the rambling scientist could go into another lecture about something he didn't understand. "My request is if you would consider the possibility of working together on this island. Combining both of our abilities and skills could well ensue we both survive here."

"Survival? Boy we are perfectly safe here. So safe in fact that you are the only other person I have encountered! And what abilities would these be? It sounds as if you are in possession of some sort of power…which would be ridiculous!"

With no small amount of uncertainty Vitali decided to elaborate. What was the worst that could happen after all?

"Well I _do_ have the ability to heal people, I am a cleric."

With the majority of Membranes face hidden Vitali only had the man's eyes, and eyebrows, to gauge his feelings and the sceptical raised eyebrow was anything but promising.

"You have first aid kits on yourself? Excellent! Paramedics are always helpful in strange locations!" he said, elongating the word strange for emphasise.

"No, no, you don't understand. The healing I use is of a…magical nature."

Now, as a man of "real science", the term "magical" is oft looked down upon. It associated with the shameful practise of the paranormal which, to Membrane, does not constitute as science at all.

With a dramatic gasp Membrane stepped back, hands raised. "Egad! This situation is far worse than I could have possibly calculated! You appear to have a case of temporary insanity! But, given your age and your continued belief of such nonsense I can only conclude that you're suffering from PERMANENT INSANITY!"

---

For the second time in too short a space of time Vitali found himself with an incredulous look on his face. "Permanent insanity? Professor I think you may be confused, I am not-" he started, trying to be the voice of reason, (although when dealing with a dangerous and headstrong being like Gig that role was as regular as the sun rising each day) only for Membrane to cut him off yet again.

"In such a location I am ill-equipped to help someone of your condition, once I return home I'll be able to alert the proper authorities to escort you to the institution! But for now…"

Not waiting to hear more Vitali acted. This scientist was now very clearly of the "mad" variety and he wasn't going to let this professor injure both of them in a needless struggle.

Conjuring a gust of wind the cleric directed it at the scientist only to watch as the other man performed a rather impressive, and thoroughly unexpected, jump and flip over Vitali's head, landing behind him and spinning around while hurling some form of energy blast at his back, sending him sprawling.

As he hit the ground his head connected with a rather innocent rock and his vision quickly faded to black. But not before hearing "It's a good thing I exist!"

---

Having dealt with the poor insane boy Professor Membrane continued onward towards the central mountain knowing he'd already done some good on the island. He'd had to improvise the manner he had restrained the deluded foreigner but it would all be worth it once he had a chance to alert the good people at the Crazy House for Boys.

It was indeed a good day for science!

---

As consciousness slowly returned Vitali let out a small moan. Trying to reach up to inspect his throbbing head proved futile as he found numerous lengths of tied wire crisscrossing and wrapped around him.

"Great…" he muttered, thankful to at least be positioned upright but still rather annoyed.

Now he would have to wait for Gig to find him or wait for the deranged scientist to send somebody. The thought of which filled him with dread.

_It could be worse though, I could be dead._

**Author's note: **And there we go, Vitali the Ethereal vs. Professor Membrane**, **slightly delayed, sorry about that!

Once again this was an opponent I knew next to nothing about so this was another challenge.

On top of that two characters that aren't actually fighters proved to be another challenge…perhaps Membrane wasn't the best choice to enter into this!

Turns out Membrane can shoot beams of energy (yeah it was in an episode of _Invader Zim_, I'm not making that up) but as for the flip, I just thought it would be different.

So, sorry most of this is talking, hopefully I made that entertaining enough to read! And sorry for the lame title...


End file.
